I love my jobs

I love my jobs. That's right jobs a lot of High School students only have one well I have two. I'm a lifeguard at the YMCA and an Associate at Panera Bread. I've decided to start posting about my adventures at my o so wonderful places of employ.

Lets start with my Lifeguarding Job at the YMCA!

This is the greatest job in the world! I get to sit on my fat ass for 7 hours straight and watch people jump into a pool that is about as much fun as a fork in my penis. We do not have diving boards. The pool is too warm to some too cold to others. It goes from 3.5 feet to 5.5 feet. The ambient temperature in the pool can range from 82 to 90 degrees fahrenheit. The ages range from 6 months to dead(but has not been told yet). The average age is 70. There are no teenage women at this pool, my girlfriend certainly never shows up. I get to sit and watch the little bastards misbehave and the old people fiddle and fart in the water. Sometimes I get reading done instead of saving lives, quite frankly its more fun. On Saturday this little turd I'm familar with comes to the pool with his stupid little friends and causes a ruckus. By the time I leave (at this point I'm late for my other wonderful job) They have stolen 10 plus kickboards and are now trying to walk on water with them. previously a certain baseball player arrived to wail on the group with little spongebob balls. I let it happen because I wanted them to be hurt. However they disrupted the other swimmers and I had to attempt to quell the violence. This kid is a snot nosed brat. You know that jackass who never does what he is told or believes he is better than everyone else when he is clearly a shit bag loser who's parents only keep him around because he was a mistake. Anyway, after I deny him more access to kick boards he tells me he'll wait till I leave. I left but no before telling the next guard that the Piss ant and his friends are no good. I have no idea what happened after, but who cares I haven't been fired yet.


Now to Panera: I just love this jerb( yeah I caught the spelling piss off)

I am of course hired on the spot as High School slave labor at the minimum wage value. Our store opens the 27th of February, but the staff needs to be trained before then so we go to other stores in distant places like State college and out towards Shittsburgh. My first experience was out in Murrysville and I got to ride with a bubbly lady who drove a shitty Acura Integra. Naturally I would have been excited to ride in a good integra, but this car lacked ABS a working muffler and a competant driver. There was nothing terribly entertaining about the Murrysville store experiance. But on the way home our wonderful driver decided that, snow or ice, that it was better to drive as though it were dry. So she was bookin it at about 65-70 on really nasty roads and she starts to slow down as we approached slower traffic. However, as is common with shitty drivers, they tend to misjudge a safe braking distance on nasty roads and the braking capabillities of thier car. You see on dry roads shitty drivers just push their brakes hard and stop really close on the bumper of the car in front of them, unfortunetly they also try the same thing on nasty slick icy snowy low visibility roads. Long story short our wonderful driver locks up the brakes at the thirty miles an our and starts to over compensate. She stops thinking neglects to pump the brakes and we go into a spin. There are three other people in the car and we don't say a word. She gets the car stopped without hitting anything miraculously and she restartes it a continues speeding on her way. From that point on I was riding an imaginary brake. I'm never riding with her again ever I don't think anyone will.

This weekend I went to Monroeville, which is just beyond Murrysville. This store Rocked. My trainer was much like Dane Cook in Employee of the Month. Comical yet effective. I used the meat slice, which is a trip believe me, and various tomato slicing anomolies. Fun fun. I tried to drive up myself and offered to take people, but was firmly told that 18 year olds were not allowed to drive. So I got a ride in a Buick Regal GS, which is supposedly supercharged, but I didn't hear a thing. Anyway, there were two smokers in the car and being in there was cold because in order to smoke they rolled the windows down to vent the smoke. and Listening to them talk about their pregancies and children and fathers that weren't there was like watching Jerry Springer without Jerry. Mine being the only testicles in the car, I became fairly uncomfortable, but I tolerated it and learned how not have a kid. So that was fun then I came home did nothing watched the Super Bowl with my Girlfriend and family and had a wonderful timne fighting over who would win and then being right despite not giving a shit.


so fuck you!