An e-mail from an actual Human
I recently received this e-mail in response to a rant I had about Christmas a while ago. I personally know this girl to be closer to the age of twelve than the age of sixteen and I must give her the best of props for forming such a compelling retort to my entry in fact its rather wonderful to finely know that there is at least one intelligent person, aside from myself that is, in this world. I was not at first certain how I should respond to this message. I could have replied quickly in an e-mail that I was not interested in male enhancement, but I want to give this young author a moment in the spotlight so people may bear witness to her genius. That still left me with the format of my response. Perhaps a counter letter I would then send to the offending address, but after I signed her address up for a zillion free surveys I deduced that she might not see it among the spam. So I decided to go with the comment format that my readers are so familiar with. I hope you enjoy this as I think aloud.
Melissa Smithmyer
to rhenthalin@gmail.com
date Jan 4, 2007 7:51 PM
subject external reality was tacitly denied by their philosophy.
//This subject line does not actually relate at all to the content of the e-mail, in fact it supports //my argument about the arbitrary nature of truth when this quote is taken in the context of //Eric Blair's book 1984
mailed-by gmail.com
Sir Money Pants,
//I've been knighted :^)
Recently I've been quite disappointed in my favorite blasphemer. Come now, ranting against the shallow materialism of Christmas? What, no Pope jibes left? Or perhaps you have yet to sit down with the Da Vinci Code because your attack on modern Christianity is, in fact, the oldest in the book.
/**What this brilliant little girl fails to see in her own writing is that the Christmas rant was *indeed a rant and was written with passion and not my brain so coherent and relevant *arguments will obviously be lacking. The contention that my arguments are the oldest in the *Book is obviously erroneous let me show the oldest in the book. That's right the first from the *legendary 95 theses as posted by Martin Luther:"
*/
Well, obviously not the book but you caught my drift if you're the man I've supposed you are. If you're going to attack modern Christians on the grounds of shallow heathenism you will have to do a lot better than materialism and Christmas.
/*She's right it wasn't a book but a large parchment paper nailed on the door of the Vatican. As *a matter of fact I could bring up several things to attack modern Christens, like Clerical *infidelity, Creationism,Baptists, Real Estate, Tax Evasion, and a number of wars that came out *of the Vatican itself. But that would make my rant irrelevant and young Melissa would do well *to remember that in future writing.
*/
You obviously have the wrong idea about Christmas so allow me to set you straight. Yes, we give gifts on Christmas but the fact that we exchange materials does not make us materialistic.
/* No let me set you straight. The Christmas celebration actually stems from several Pagan *traditions that would be too onerous explain so feel free to read the WIKI . I am attacking the *nature that Christmas has taken on in this increasingly Godless world and at the moment, I'm *not attacking Christianity as the spineless nature of society so quit jumping to conclusions missy
*/
Maybe you are a gluttonous pig but personally I know that the coming up with things to get my loved ones is a lot better that actually getting presents on Christmas. Being with my extended family while we are exchanging gifts is a lot more fun than actually receiving gifts. Everyone's favorite part of Christmas and the best gift of all is the break. That's right time is our favorite gift. hmmmmm, that doesn't seem very materialistic at all. You're probably calling me corny right now but I'm calling you a lemming so that's fine with me. That's right you're a lemming.
/* I am minutely gluttonous, but I believe the appropriate deadly sin for this situation is Greed *but you can ask your sister she'll agree with me. As for how you personally celebrate Christmas *and what it means to you is not the subject of my rant and you are, in fact, more like buttered *popcorn at the moment rather than corny, but that's totally up to you. On a side note most *twenty four hour stores and movie theaters do not close on Christmas because it is the time *when all of the Jews go to the movies and live it up on the town w/o those wacky Christians *hanging around so you cannot, in all fairness, say that everyone has a break. I might be a *lemming, but you are popcorn and Catholic to boot, so THERE!
*/
Since your Dr. Seuss period you've been told Christmas is materialistic and instead of growing a brainstem and critically thinking about that statement, You've accepted it! I'm sure it was very easy. Holiday sales make everyone miserable. Just think our savior's birthday is being celebrated with 50% off bars of soap. But I'm inclined to think Christmas is a time when Christians attempt to rise above the materialism, not by forgoing Christmas sales and ruining their nation's economy but by remembering to go to church Christmas Eve and day as well.
//I consider my Dr.Seuss period to be one of the greatest periods in my life and it is easily *revisited with a drop of acid and a Kaleidoscope so I wouldn't knock it. As for anyone telling me *that Christmas was about material; that never actually happened I was always told that *Christmas was about the giving and the loving etc. I stopped believing that when I realized *that, while humanity is inherently good, most people have become evil as a response to the *environment around them. But that's a whole different debate. And foregoing sales wouldn't *hurt the economy that bad unless you boycotted American goods. So few of the things that *people buy for Christmas come from America that the effect of not having a spending holiday *wouldn't kill the economy it would just run business as usual. And going to church as a *requirement obviously makes you a Catholic and as a Protestant I do not believe that the act of *going to Church will save me, but the acceptance of Jesus into my heart will because we are so *utterly tainted with sin that temporal leaders and church going cannot guarantee my passage *into heaven, once again another debate that has been raging for centuries.
*/
As for you're fake Christian keep them out of our churches statement. Aren't you full of forgiveness today? If a holiday can bring Christians to church that's fine with me. I'm happy to see my parish expand every Christmas. Many of the additions are from out of state but even the semi-practicing Christians are welcome. Maybe these people pray from home. Maybe they go to a different church that sold tickets to mass. Maybe they do only think about God two days of the year but that's better than none.
/*No as a matter of fact I'm full of myself today so there is no need to ask again. You call these *people Christians when they certainly are not. These are socialites attending a function that is *required by a predominately Christian society. If they do not attend people will look down on *them, so they believe. They merely attend for show and God is the furthest thing from their *minds.
*/
Finally if I want to say happy holidays then I will. I don't attack you for a Merry Christmas don't go ranting about my happy holidays. Maybe I like alliteration. Maybe I like to piss you off. If an organization (school, store ect) doesn't want to promote a religion then fine. You tell everyone in that store Merry Christmas and feel better about yourself for it. As long as no one is stopping you it isn't an issue.
/*You're right its not an issue we come back to the core argument. The article in question was a *rant and had no intention of actually addressing social and religious issues. In fact the effort it *took you to write your email and for me to reply in this wonderful comment block manner was *hardly worth the effort when compared to the effort it took for me to write the rant. So now we *have both wasted a considerable amount of effort fighting over a rant.
*/
happy post nondenominational holiday mr. scrooge!!!
//Sometimes I like to entertain the idea that I am as rich as Mr. Scrooge, but I like more to think *that I am like Scrooge on Christmas day when he is filled with kindness. As you can clearly see *I am filled with that kindness as I dedicate my valuable time and energy into solving the *world's problems. So thank you very intelligent little elementary school child for rendering *unto me such a compliment. Send my regards to your beautiful and intelligent eldest sister.
*/
Well that was fun of course now I'm even further behind on my education paper, but who cares I just had a delightful exchange with a very intelligent nine year old. So keep refreshing.
::fart::
PS: I have no idea why the comments get so screwed up on the blog screen so just suck it up and enjoy the random stars
O here's a site you'll get a kick out of. It's a perfect example of everything that is wrong with radical christianity http://objectiveministries.org/kidz/
